When you think of compassion you think of kindness, love, pity, and empathy. It’s easy to think of compassion as empathy or sympathy, but it’s actually neither of these. Compassion is acting on those feelings and doing something that is kind, makes life easier for others, and helpful. It’s not enough to feel bad for someone or put yourself in their shoes. You have to do some sort of helpful action to make it count as compassion. And the world needs more compassionate people.
Here is a recent example of compassion. I went on a walk trying to figure out what I was going to write about compassion. I was nearly done with my walk, nearing my house, needing to use the bathroom and I saw a car trying to make a left hand turn into an apartment during the evening. I know from experience this road is very busy during the evening and that turn seems all but impossible. I was left with a decision to either just selfishly keep walking across the entrance way and cost the car a rare opportunity to make their turn, or wait and check the traffic behind me to make sure I wasn’t blocking him. When it was clear traffic wasn’t going to let up, I decided to cross and be one less factor he had to consider. It then dawned on me that was a compassionate act and my walk was successful.
Compassion can be seen as a weakness. It never is. You are never weak for wanting to help other. Being selfish doesn’t just hurt others, it hurts you. You cut off so many unknown oppurnities that would greatly benefit you. In fact refusing to help other harms both of you. Even in the drug and crime filled streets it does not hurt to be compassionate if you do it in a way others can respect. You can always feel and understand a person’s struggles, and still not run to their rescue when they don’t need it. You can be strict and tough and still care deeply for someone. A child that has been allowed to get spoiled and needs some harsh lessons, your insight and willingness to give those lessons is compassionate. Just make sure you are actually guiding and helping that child, not just ordering and shouting at them.
There are some wrong ways to do compassion or not actually be compassionate. Make sure you when you are helping another person, you aren’t giving everything away. It might be a noble gesture to give the shirt off your back during a rainy day, but if you get sick easily, you will make yourself suffer. You may want to give your life saving to a single struggling mother, but you need to live and eat too. Money is not always the best answer to helping someone. Make sure to give the right help. Don’t just give the help you want to give that’s not needed or ask for. Also make sure they don’t need professional help. You can end up doing serious harm if they need professional help. Take the time to spot some of the more obvious signs of someone needing serious help and gently tell them you are not a good fit for them. Google is great at telling you what is serious and finding local help.
Be careful of the white knight mindset. Don’t rush to help every struggling cry soul out there, but patience, watch, be mindful, and carefully consider your actions. Remember people have pride and shame and are not always ready to accept your help. It is compassionate to wait until they are ready for that help. Sometimes they just need to vent and not be rescued. Another problem with white knight people is they use the recues to avoid their own guilt and fear. It’s easy to be compassionate in order to feel better about yourself and ignore your own issues and flaws. I did that for years. I taught the same easy known topics so I could avoid having to work on myself. That is one of the reasons I took a long break from teaching.
Compassion is about overcoming your hatred. You can be compassionate to yourself, but you must first become aware of your anger, where it comes from, and then learn forgiveness. You must learn to stop blaming, fearing, and self-loathing yourself. Be aware of your judgement. It’s easy to judge a person and decide they are not worthy of your compassion. When you decide not to help someone think of your reasons why? Are they better off and shouldn’t need that help? Are they poor and it’s their fault? They did cause this mess and should have known better? Do you see the answer to their problem as easy and they are just too dumb to help? Do you refuse to help someone because they wronged you in the past? It’s easy to fool yourself into thinking you are doing this for their own good, when you aren’t. You are looking for control and puffing up your ego, which leads to the dark side. The best thing you can do is to think about their perspective and try to understand what they are looking for. Look for the light, the good side of people.
Part of doing compassionate acts is using your bad experiences to help other. When you go to the store and you use the self check out and you struggled so long to figure out what buttons to click to ring stuff up and pay, remember what you did wrong and right. Remember to use your past experiences as a teaching tool and not just a source of ongoing pain. You can help some little old lady who is also struggling and even tell her that not long ago you were also struggling. Little old ladies usually like to know it’s not just age that is making it hard. When you are at work, struggling to learn a new program, remember this and help someone after you learned the skill. By helping someone, you may be able to make peace with old emotional wounds. You also bring awareness to an issue that may have been ignored or suppressed.
When you see another person struggling with the same issue, offer to help or give advice. When you are compassionate you tend to inspire the same in others. They will see your example and want to do themselves. Sometimes by being compassionate to someone else you teach them to let go of their anger and blame and open their mind and heart. One of the reasons I teach is because I struggled with Jediism so much. I had so few resources for so long. Even my training with a master wasn’t that great. So I use that memory to find a way to help you all. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did so I try to make it a better experience. I try to give the training I wish I had, hoping to makes you all a better Jedi.